National Seashore environmentalists cancels plans to murder wildlife

Cape Cod National Seashore environmentalists cancel plan to murder wildlife

Wellfleet, MA - Cape Cod National Seashore management has cancelled plans to protect cute piping plovers by poisoning ugly crows.
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U.S. Department of Agriculture and Seashore scientists had planned to plant poisoned chicken eggs near piping plover nest to kill about a dozen ugly crows who learned to target plover nests due to these very scientist's previous "protection" efforts.

Piping plovers are catastrophically poor breeders. They nest in unprotected areas of open beach in constant danger of inclement weather and predation, and frequently abandon their young. As a result, only 90 pairs of piping plovers frequent the 44,000 acre National Seashore, which stretches from Eastham to Provincetown in Cape Cod, MA.

Sympathy from well meaning but misguided environmentalists to combat the perceived effects of humanity on nesting plovers led to building protective "exclosures" of fence and netting around plover eggs, efforts that have proved anti-beneficial.

The exclosure signals the presence of an easy plover meal to starving crows and other predators. Cape scientists report that 1/3 of new plover eggs are eaten by crows each year.

Supporters of the crow poisoning claim that since the local crow population has flourished by adapting to changes in the environment caused by humanity, therefore the crows must be poisoned to protect the endangered piping plovers, who were unable to similarly adapt.

"Following their misguided logic, they should consider targeting the true source of the piping plover's decline: humanity itself," griped Marvin Tozeski, leader of the local underground surfcasting cult MARV. "If it's humans that are the problem, then what's next? Them environmentalists gonna put poisoned eggs at Denny's and IHOP's?"

National Seashore officials are quick to point out the public benefit of "managing" crow populations through murder, stating that any increases in the plover population would decrease the annual bans on human presence at public beaches while the piping plovers are nesting.

Marvin disagrees. "The more plovers that nest, the more beaches they'll close on us. Piping plovers will never adapt to breed efficiently enough to overcome their endangered status, no matter what environmentalists attempt. You can't dictate Darwinism."